The Switch

You’re probably wondering why I am reviewing this movie now, almost a year after it came out. You’re also probably wondering why I even watched it. The answer is simple: I was really bored on Friday night and it was free to order on TMN.

The Switch is a terrible Trojan horse of a movie. On the surface, it looks like a comedy because it employs Jason Bateman (from the brutally aborted series Arrested Development series that's never quite as funny as your friends keep telling you it is). But male viewers beware: beneath that ‘funny’ veneer is a treacherous romantic comedy of the 10^th degree that will ambush you about 10 minutes in. All the classic ingredients are present:

1) it’s terrible;

2) the plot is nonsense;

3) there’s a happy ending;

4) it’s terrible; and

5) it stars Jenifer Aniston.

I know I repeated terrible twice. But the writers of this movie clearly put forth no effort, so why should I? In fact I don’t even think I’ll spellcheck this blog.

Anyway, this movie follows a male-female set of friends pretending to be in their late 20s, looking like they’re in their late 30s, being played by actors in their 40s. Aniston, recognizing that the biological clock is ticking, decides it’s time to have some offspring (one could argue this is not really acting at all?). So, she does it the old fashioned way—with a sperm donor and a turkey baster. Through some ridiculous sequence of romantic comedy slapstick, Jason Bateman, her best friend, switches the sperm donor’s sperm with his own. Because, you know, we all leave our sperm in an unattended bathroom in a small plastic cup that is easily accessible to a drunken Arrested Development star. Aniston got lucky, think what would have happened if it were David Cross in the bathroom instead.

The plot muddles forward, Aniston has a kid, Bateman realizes the similarities to himself, he admits to Aniston that it’s his sperm she inseminated herself with, she gets mad at him and before we know it, all is forgiven and the movie is over. The movie drags on worse than that run-on-of-a-sentence. Sorry if I ruined it for you. I usually don’t ruin movies for people, but if you are not able recognize which direction this movie is going in, you’re probably not smart enough to navigate the internet and find this article anyway.

Free was the right price, but I‘ll never get my two hours back.

1.5/5 stars